fishing-jokes: 18 Reasons why ... 18 Reasons why Fishing is better than Sex 18 - You don t have to hide your Fishing magazines..17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while. 16 - The Ten Commandments don t say an... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/fishing-jokes-18-Reasons-why ...professional-jokes: 3 ENGINEERS & ... 3 ENGINEERS & THE STALLED CAR…. Three engineers are riding in a car: an electrical engineer,a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenlythe car stalls and stops by the side of the road. Thethree engineers look... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-3-ENGINEERS-& ...blondes-jokes: A blind man ... A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. I... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/blondes-jokes-A-blind-man ...professional-jokes: A doctor, a ... A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal pro... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-doctor,-a ...professional-jokes: A LETTER TO ... A LETTER TO THE IRS:…. April 23, 2001 Internal Revenue ServiceState Processing CenterHoltsville, NY 01150-0115 Dear Taxmen/women: Enclosed is my 2001 tax return & payment. Please take note ofthe attached article from the... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-LETTER-TO ...professional-jokes: A man suspected ... A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired afamous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and reportany activities that might develop. A few days later, he receivedthis report: Most honorable s... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-man-suspected ...professional-jokes: A Polish guy ... A Polish guy married a Canadian girl after he had been inCanada a year or so and, although his English was far fromperfect, they got on very well until one day he rushed intoa lawyer s office and asked him if he could ar... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-Polish-guy ...professional-jokes: A resident in ... A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the headwaiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile.“Good Morning sir. What a wonderful morning I d like two boiledeggs, one of them so under cook... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-resident-in ...professional-jokes: A Smart Salesman! ... A Smart Salesman! A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -“Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?”Aghast, the man said, “are you NUTS?, that s robbery!”The salesman ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-Smart-Salesman! ...professional-jokes: A teacher cautiously ... A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex educationwith her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnny shabit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.Johnny remains attentive throughout t... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-teacher-cautiously ...professional-jokes: A TRIP TO ... A TRIP TO THE PHARMACY…. A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. Heanswers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. Shedirec... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-A-TRIP-TO ...adult-jokes: A woman in ... A woman in her 30 s was taking her mother, who was in her 50 s to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet i... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/adult-jokes-A-woman-in ...dirty-jokes: A woman in ... A woman in her 30 s was taking her mother, who was in her 50 s to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet i... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/dirty-jokes-A-woman-in ...medical-jokes: After months of ... After months of speculation, it was confirmed yesterday that the Death Star, the Empire s vaunted, planet-destroying space station, has added a new, state-of-the-art day care center to its already vast array of capabilit... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/medical-jokes-After-months-of ...professional-jokes: AIRLINE COMMENTS…. Sometimes, ... AIRLINE COMMENTS…. Sometimes, the crew of airliners make an effort to bit moreentertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard orreported:1…On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-AIRLINE-COMMENTS….-Sometimes, ...professional-jokes: America s jailbirds ... America s jailbirds don t give up. Disappointed by the criminaljustice system, this plucky lot still has faith in the civilside. Last year, the states spent $81 million defending whatstate attorneys general called frivol... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-America-s-jailbirds ...professional-jokes: ARIEL PHOTOGRAPHY…. A ... ARIEL PHOTOGRAPHY…. A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to takepictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a smallplane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.The photographer arrived at the a... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-ARIEL-PHOTOGRAPHY….-A ...professional-jokes: ARMED FORCES CANOE ... ARMED FORCES CANOE RACES…. The Navy, Army, and the Air Force decided to have a canoe raceon the Potomac River. Each team practiced hard and long to reachtheir peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Navywon... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-ARMED-FORCES-CANOE ...professional-jokes: August 10, 2005TRUCKER…. ... August 10, 2005TRUCKER…. A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stopsinto a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam,drops down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a bolognasandw... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-August-10,-2005TRUCKER…. ...professional-jokes: August 12, 2005Top ... August 12, 2005Top Twenty Ways to Annoy Your Waiter/Waitress 20. Make them sing the national anthem before presenting the food.19. Sit in the no-smoking section and put a big stogey in your mouth, but don t light it.18. ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-August-12,-2005Top ...professional-jokes: August 16, 2005Things ... August 16, 2005Things you d really like to say at work! 01. I can see your point, but you re still full of crap.02. I don t know what your problem is, but I ll bet it s hard to pronouce.03. I see you ve set aside this sp... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-August-16,-2005Things ...professional-jokes: August 17, 2005Three ... August 17, 2005Three Envelopes A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.“Open the... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-August-17,-2005Three ...professional-jokes: August 18, 2005Strongest ... August 18, 2005Strongest Man The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-August-18,-2005Strongest ...professional-jokes: August 8, 2005AUSSIE ... August 8, 2005AUSSIE BANK ROBBERS…. A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating overmethods they will employ in robbing a bank.After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it.In the wee h... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-August-8,-2005AUSSIE ...professional-jokes: August 9, 2005MARKET ... August 9, 2005MARKET TERMINOLOGY FOR DUMMIES:…. Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.P/E ratio -... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-August-9,-2005MARKET ...professional-jokes: BABY…. A traveling ... BABY…. A traveling salesman s car breaks down on a deserted road, andhe seeks refuge from the evening storm at a nearby farmhouse.The farmer, being a kindly soul, says to the man that he canspend the night and they ll so... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-BABY….-A-traveling ...professional-jokes: BANK LETTER…. This ... BANK LETTER…. This is an actual letter sent to a Bank in the US.The Bank thought it amusing enough to publish it in theirnewsletter.Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the checkwith which I tried to pay my p... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-BANK-LETTER….-This ...business-jokes: Berra s Law: ... Berra s Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi BerraBierman s Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can t cover all the “what if s”. (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved “wha... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-Berra-s-Law: ...professional-jokes: BILL GATES ... BILL GATES ETERNITY…. Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, “WelcomeMr. Gates, we ve been waiting for you. This will be your homefor all eternity. You ve been selfish, greedy and a big liarall your life. N... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-BILL-GATES- ...professional-jokes: BILL GATES…. Bill ... BILL GATES…. Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory beingjudged by God, who was undecided whether to admit Gates to Heavenor send him to Hell.“Bill,” God says, “I don t know if I should reward y... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-BILL-GATES….-Bill ...professional-jokes: BIRD OF A ... BIRD OF A FATHER…. An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife thatshe should take out life insurance. “Suppose your husband were to die,” he said, “what would youget?” The housewife thought for a while, and... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-BIRD-OF-A ...professional-jokes: BRAVE FIREMEN…. One ... BRAVE FIREMEN…. One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside thelocal chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and analarm went out to fire Departments from miles around. Afterfighting the fire f... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-BRAVE-FIREMEN….-One ...professional-jokes: Can you please ... Can you please advise me. I`m having some problems.I`m currently running the latest version of Girlfriend and I`vebeen having some problems lately. I`ve been running the sameversion of Drinking 1.0 all along as my primar... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-Can-you-please ...professional-jokes: CELEBRITY DEATH…. There ... CELEBRITY DEATH…. There was a great loss recently in the entertainment world.Larry LaPrise, the Detroit native who wrote the song ‘HokeyPokey” died last week at age 83. What was really horrible was that theyhad trouble k... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-CELEBRITY-DEATH….-There ...professional-jokes: CIA…. The CIA ... CIA…. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the backgroundchecks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists…Two men and a woman.For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-CIA….-The-CIA ...professional-jokes: CLASSIFIED ADS…. Actually ... CLASSIFIED ADS…. Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.———————————-FREE PUPPIES:1/2 COCKER SPANIEL1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR S DOG—————————–FREE PUPPIES… PART G... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-CLASSIFIED-ADS….-Actually ...professional-jokes: COMMENTATORS BLOOPERS…. “This ... COMMENTATORS BLOOPERS…. “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria…I saw her snatch thismorning and it was amazing.”(Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator)“This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.”(Ted Walsh - Horse... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-COMMENTATORS-BLOOPERS….-“This ...professional-jokes: Comprehending Engineers - ... Comprehending Engineers - Take One============================Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,“Where did you get such a great bike?”The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking alon... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-Comprehending-Engineers-- ...professional-jokes: DIVIDING SOULS….. On ... DIVIDING SOULS….. On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by theCemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts andsat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.One for y... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-DIVIDING-SOULS…..-On ...professional-jokes: DOUBLE NEGATIVE…. A ... DOUBLE NEGATIVE…. A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive.In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negativeis still a negative. Ho... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-DOUBLE-NEGATIVE….-A ...professional-jokes: E-MAILS…. It is ... E-MAILS…. It is humorous. I am sure you have all received those emails toforward to all of your friends for good luck… blah, blah, blah.Well, this guy apparantly got tired of them and his email has beencirculating now. M... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-E-MAILS….-It-is ...professional-jokes: Eating with children ... Eating with children Eating with ChildrenA guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.All during the sit-down dinner, the host s three-year-old girl stared at her father s boss sitting across from... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-Eating-with-children ...professional-jokes: ENGLISH SPEAKING…. (A) ... ENGLISH SPEAKING…. (A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacksthan the British or Americans.(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also sufferfewer heart attacks than the British o... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-ENGLISH-SPEAKING….-(A) ...professional-jokes: EXERCISE PROGRAM…. Exercise ... EXERCISE PROGRAM…. Exercise program: For Those Of Us Getting On in Years (And Weight)I thought I would let you, my friends, in on a little secret I vefound for building my arm and shoulder muscles. You might wish toadopt... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-EXERCISE-PROGRAM….-Exercise ...parents-jokes: Expert on parenting ... Expert on parenting On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/parents-jokes-Expert-on-parenting ...professional-jokes: FAMILY PHOTO…. After ... FAMILY PHOTO…. After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life,an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In oneof the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.Not knowing what it was, he ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-FAMILY-PHOTO….-After ...professional-jokes: FLIGHT CREW…. As ... FLIGHT CREW…. As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gavethe passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.Finally, she said “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain,Judi... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-FLIGHT-CREW….-As ...professional-jokes: FORMULAS…. 1. Ratio ... FORMULAS…. 1. Ratio of an igloo s circumference to its diameter?#NAME?2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup?#NAME?3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash?= 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement?= 1 bana... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-FORMULAS….-1.-Ratio ...professional-jokes: GENEROUS BARBER…. A ... GENEROUS BARBER…. A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priesttried to pay for the haircut but the barber refusedsaying, “You do God s work.” The next morning the barberfound a dozen bibles at the door to his ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-GENEROUS-BARBER….-A ...professional-jokes: GOD IS BOTH…. ... GOD IS BOTH…. The little kid comes to his father:Kid: Daddy, is God a man or a woman? Dad: Both son, God is both. After a while the kid comes again:Kid: Daddy, is God black or white? Dad: (after thinking for a while) Bot... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-GOD-IS-BOTH…. ...professional-jokes: Goulish Jokes The ... Goulish Jokes The professor was removing organs from thedeceased before his students, all the while saying, “. . .and this is the heart, and this is the liver,and this is thekidney, and this is . . .” “What the heck is t... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-Goulish-Jokes-The ...oldage-jokes: GYNECOLOGIST…. A beautiful, ... GYNECOLOGIST…. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctortakes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goesout the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed hebeg... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/oldage-jokes-GYNECOLOGIST….-A-beautiful, ...professional-jokes: HANDY ENGINEERING CONVERSIONS…. ... HANDY ENGINEERING CONVERSIONS…. 1. Ratio of an igloo s circumference to its diameter? =Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-HANDY-ENGINEERING-CONVERSIONS…. ...professional-jokes: HEAVENLY ENGINEER…. An ... HEAVENLY ENGINEER…. An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checkshis dossier and says: “Ah, you re an engineer, but you worked fora high-tech startup company and got rich. You ve had too good ofa lif... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-HEAVENLY-ENGINEER….-An ...professional-jokes: HEBREW READING…. A ... HEBREW READING…. A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when theyfound a slab of rock with five figures carved on it. In orderthe figures were: 1. A Woman 2. A Donkey 3. A Shovel 4. A Fishand 5. A Star of Dav... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-HEBREW-READING….-A ...professional-jokes: HELP DESK HORROR…. ... HELP DESK HORROR…. These are stories from help desks around the country.At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clockto determine my annoyance level, when I received a franticphone call from a new user of a Ma... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-HELP-DESK-HORROR…. ...professional-jokes: HIGH TECH MILKING ... HIGH TECH MILKING MACHINE…. Lewis s cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Sincethe equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided totest it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-HIGH-TECH-MILKING ...professional-jokes: HOW DO THESE ... HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE!!!…. Recently, when I went to McDonald s, I saw on the menu that youcould have an order of 6, 9, or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked fora half dozen nuggets. “We don t have half dozen nuggets”, s... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-HOW-DO-THESE ...professional-jokes: In a small ... In a small southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showedgreat skill and talent had gone into creating it. One smallfeature bothered me.The three wise men were wearing firemen s helmets.Totally unable to come up ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-In-a-small ...professional-jokes: In these days ... In these days when flying has become humorless, here s a shorttale that may make you smile. A buddy of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco.Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. Theflight a... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-In-these-days ...professional-jokes: INVESTMENT TIP…. As ... INVESTMENT TIP…. As you all know, I am very selective regarding the e-mails Iforward to friends and family. I am also not usually inclinedto pass on unproven financial advice.But yesterday, I heard from a drug rep for Gl... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-INVESTMENT-TIP….-As ...professional-jokes: IT S UP ... IT S UP TO THE CHIEF…. A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who wasspeeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “Ican explain.”“Quiet!” snapped the officer. “I m going to let you spend thenight... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-IT-S-UP ...professional-jokes: JOB INTERVIEW…. The ... JOB INTERVIEW…. The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blondewent in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “What is 1 and 1?” “Eleven,” she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, “That s not wh... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-JOB-INTERVIEW….-The ...professional-jokes: JOB SEARCH JARGON…. ... JOB SEARCH JARGON…. Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summerjob or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, thisJOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way…COMPETITIVE SALARY:We rema... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-JOB-SEARCH-JARGON…. ...professional-jokes: JOCK THE PAINTER…. ... JOCK THE PAINTER…. There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interestedin making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint tomake it go a wee bit further.As it happened, he got away with ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-JOCK-THE-PAINTER…. ...professional-jokes: July 15, 2005JACK ... July 15, 2005JACK SCHITT…. Who is Jack Schitt - the Lineage Revealed Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says,“You don t know Jack Schitt.” Now, you can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-July-15,-2005JACK ...professional-jokes: July 18, 2005THE ... July 18, 2005THE AIG OF TECHNOLOGY…. The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chairbefore he dropped exhausted.His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and acomforting word. “My, ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-July-18,-2005THE ...professional-jokes: LAB RATS VS ... LAB RATS VS COMPUTER PROGRAMMER…. Just for fun, lets compare the conditions of lab rats and thetypical computer programmer:Lab Rats ProgrammersWander through endless Wander through endlessmazes hopelessly searching mazes... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-LAB-RATS-VS ...professional-jokes: LANGUAGE…. Dear Employees:It ... LANGUAGE…. Dear Employees:It has been brought to management s attention that some individualsthroughout the company have been using foul language during the courseof normal conversation with their co-workers.Due to compl... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-LANGUAGE….-Dear-Employees:It ...professional-jokes: LAUNDRY…. Walking through ... LAUNDRY…. Walking through San Francisco s Chinatown, a tourist is fascinatedwith all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. Heturns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Moishe Plotnik sChinese Laundry... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-LAUNDRY….-Walking-through ...professional-jokes: LAWS OF NATURE…. ... LAWS OF NATURE…. “The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap,always leave room for the mouse. “The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist. “The Law of Reality” Never get into fig... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-LAWS-OF-NATURE…. ...professional-jokes: LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION…. ... LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION…. Gerry McLaughlin, my assistant programmer, can always be foundhard at work in his cubicle. Gerry works independently, withoutwasting company time talkingto colleagues.Gerry neverthinks twice ab... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-LETTER-OF-RECOMMENDATION…. ...professional-jokes: LIFE IN THE ... LIFE IN THE MILITARY…. One of the bravest men that I ever saw was a fellow on top of atelegraph pole in the midst of a furious fire fight in Tunisia. Istopped and asked what the hell he was doing up there at a timelike t... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-LIFE-IN-THE ...professional-jokes: LITTLE BOY IN ... LITTLE BOY IN BANK…. A woman and her young son were standing in line at the bankwaiting for the next available teller. The little boy was becomingvery irritable and his mother was trying to calm him down. Withoutmuch luc... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-LITTLE-BOY-IN ...professional-jokes: MAD COW DISEASE ... MAD COW DISEASE EXPLAINED…. A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer aboutMad Cow Disease.“Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of thedisease?”“Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MAD-COW-DISEASE ...professional-jokes: MAKES YOU THINK…. ... MAKES YOU THINK…. Take a guess of his age before you get to the end. Good luck.How old is Grandpa?Stay with this - the answer is at the end - it willblow you away.One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather abo... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MAKES-YOU-THINK…. ...professional-jokes: MANAGEMENT KNOW HOW…. ... MANAGEMENT KNOW HOW…. Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties ofrunning a small business.“I started a new practice last year,” Linda said. “I insistthat each of my employees take at least a week off eve... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MANAGEMENT-KNOW-HOW…. ...professional-jokes: MARKETING 101…. You ... MARKETING 101…. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her andsay, “I m fantastic in bed”. That s Direct Marketing. You re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeousgirl. One of your friends goes up ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MARKETING-101….-You ...professional-jokes: MATERIALISTIC LAWYERS…. A ... MATERIALISTIC LAWYERS…. A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of theoffice, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truckcame along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MATERIALISTIC-LAWYERS….-A ...professional-jokes: MATH LESSON…. A ... MATH LESSON…. A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: “Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and Ihave certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. Iam otherwise happy with ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MATH-LESSON….-A ...professional-jokes: MATH…. Little Tommy ... MATH…. Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they enrolled h... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MATH….-Little-Tommy ...professional-jokes: MATH…. Little Tommy ... MATH…. Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had triedeverything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short,everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, theyenrolled him ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MATH….-Little-Tommy ...professional-jokes: MCDONNNEL DOUGLAS WARRENTY ... MCDONNNEL DOUGLAS WARRENTY REGISTRATION CARD…. This is funny. If you don t think so you may be upper management atMcDonnell-Douglas.This allegedly was posted very briefly on the McDonnell-DouglasWebsite by an employee th... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MCDONNNEL-DOUGLAS-WARRENTY ...medical-jokes: MEET YOUR MATE…. ... MEET YOUR MATE…. Dictionary for Personal AdsWOMEN S ADS40-ish……………. 49Adventurer………… Slept with all your friendsAthletic………….. No titsAverage looking……. Has a face like a basset houndBeautiful…………. Pathological liarConta... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/medical-jokes-MEET-YOUR-MATE…. ...professional-jokes: MICHAEL JACKSON…. What ... MICHAEL JACKSON…. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and agrocery bag?One is made of plastic and is dangerous for childrento play with….The other is used to carry groceries. ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MICHAEL-JACKSON….-What ...professional-jokes: MILITARY SHIT…. An ... MILITARY SHIT…. An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back,15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says,“This is shit!” An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pa... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MILITARY-SHIT….-An ...professional-jokes: MORRIS, THE LOUDMOUTH ... MORRIS, THE LOUDMOUTH MECHANIC…. Morris, the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder headsfrom the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon,Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiti... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MORRIS,-THE-LOUDMOUTH ...professional-jokes: MS MEETS NYC…. ... MS MEETS NYC…. WHAT IF MICROSOFT WERE HEADQUARTERED IN NEW YORK CITY? 1) Instead of an index finger, the click-on cursor would bethe middle finger. 2) MS Office and Word would already have “Yo” and “Fuck you!”in their sp... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MS-MEETS-NYC…. ...professional-jokes: MUSICIAN JOKES…. How ... MUSICIAN JOKES…. How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?- Twenty, one to hold the bulb and nineteen to drink beer tillthe room spins.How can you tell if the stage is level?- The drool comes out of both si... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MUSICIAN-JOKES….-How ...professional-jokes: NEW PRODUCT-MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES…. ... NEW PRODUCT-MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES…. Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating everyaspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive 2000, asuite of applications designed for users wh... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-NEW-PRODUCT-MICROSOFT-CONTRACEPTIVES…. ...professional-jokes: NEW SALESMAN…. John ... NEW SALESMAN…. John was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of asalesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Thedrugstore owner had had about enough and warned John that the nextsale he misse... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-NEW-SALESMAN….-John ...professional-jokes: NFL…. The NFL ... NFL…. The NFL announced today that for financial reasons, they hadto eliminate one team from the league. So they ve decided tocombine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneersand form one team, therefore saving ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-NFL….-The-NFL ...professional-jokes: of the professionals ... of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong.But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consultingsays this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals havethe brains of a four ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-of-the-professionals ...professional-jokes: OIL CRISIS…. There ... OIL CRISIS…. There are a lot of folks who can t understand how we came tohave an oil shortage here in the USA. Well, there s a very simple answer … nobody bothered tocheck the oil. We just didn t know we were getting low... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-OIL-CRISIS….-There ...professional-jokes: OLD…. Old accountants ... OLD…. Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.Old actors never die, they just drop apart.Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.Old banke... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-OLD….-Old-accountants ...professional-jokes: PARACHUTING…. A young ... PARACHUTING…. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. Hewent though the standard training, completed the practice jumps fromhigher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jumpfr... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-PARACHUTING….-A-young ...professional-jokes: PAY YOUR BILL…. ... PAY YOUR BILL…. A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amountof goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributornoticed that the previous bill hadn t been paid. Thecollections manager left a voice-mai... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-PAY-YOUR-BILL…. ...business-jokes: Performance evaluation translations ... Performance evaluation translations A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approach... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-Performance-evaluation-translations ...professional-jokes: POSITIVE THINKING A ... POSITIVE THINKING A little boy was overheard talking to himself as hestrutted through the backyard, wearing his baseballcap and toting a ball and bat. “I m the greatest hitterin the world,” he announced. Then, he tossed ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-POSITIVE-THINKING-A ...professional-jokes: PROFESSIONAL JOKES FOR ... PROFESSIONAL JOKES FOR TEACHERS…. IMPORTANT, BUT OFTEN FORGOTTEN RULES OF ENGLISH#NAME?#NAME?#NAME?#NAME?-Contractions aren t necessary.#NAME?-Don t be redundant; don t use more words than necessary;it s highly superfluo... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-PROFESSIONAL-JOKES-FOR ...professional-jokes: PROFESSIONS…. A banker ... PROFESSIONS…. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when thesun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins torain. (Mark Twain) An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why thethings he predicted... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-PROFESSIONS….-A-banker ...professional-jokes: PROFESSIONS…. Two guys ... PROFESSIONS…. Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about theirprofessions:The one guy says, “I m a YUPPIE….ya know…Young, Urban Professional.” The second guy says, “I m a DINK…ya know…Double Income, No Kids.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-PROFESSIONS….-Two-guys ...professional-jokes: profit. Repeating the ... profit. Repeating the processseveral times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 beforegoing to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him that he couldquite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early e... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-profit.-Repeating-the ...professional-jokes: REPLY TO REJECTION…. ... REPLY TO REJECTION…. The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-foremployer or publisher, just send them the following:Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],Thank you for your letter of [da... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-REPLY-TO-REJECTION…. ...professional-jokes: SAID IN 1957…. ... SAID IN 1957…. “I ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the waythey are, it s going to be impossible to buy a week s groceriesfor $20.”“Have you seen the new cars coming out nextyear? It won t be long before $5000 ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-SAID-IN-1957…. ...science-jokes: Scientific Dictionary THE ... Scientific Dictionary THE LAST WORDThe Ultimate Scientific DictionaryActivation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, firs... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/science-jokes-Scientific-Dictionary-THE ...professional-jokes: SNAKE AND BUNNY ... SNAKE AND BUNNY STORY…. Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphanedbunny and an orphaned snake. A surprising coincidence was that bothwere blind from birth.One day, the bunny was hopping through th... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-SNAKE-AND-BUNNY ...professional-jokes: SNOW WHITE S ... SNOW WHITE S CAMERA…. Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took manypictures of the Dwarves and their surroundings. When she finishedher first batch, she took the film to be developed. After a weekor so, s... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-SNOW-WHITE-S ...professional-jokes: SOCIAL WORKERS…. Two ... SOCIAL WORKERS…. Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city oneevening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back alley.Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of b... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-SOCIAL-WORKERS….-Two ...professional-jokes: SWIMMING POOL…. A ... SWIMMING POOL…. A guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the poolwhen the manager told him to get out. When asked for the reason, the manager said, “Because youurinated in the pool.”“Well,” replied the swimmer... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-SWIMMING-POOL….-A ...professional-jokes: TEA AND SYMPATHY…. ... TEA AND SYMPATHY…. There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home.He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what hethought would be a masterpiece for several months now.As usual, his model reported, a... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-TEA-AND-SYMPATHY…. ...professional-jokes: TECH SUPPORT…. A ... TECH SUPPORT…. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problemwith her printer. the tech asked her if she was“running it under Windows.” The woman then responded,“No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a goodpoin... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-TECH-SUPPORT….-A ...professional-jokes: TECH SUPPORT…. An ... TECH SUPPORT…. An end user s guide to technical services 1. When a tech says he s coming right over, gofor coffee. It s nothing to us to remember 2700screen saver passwords. 2. When you call us to have your computer move... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-TECH-SUPPORT….-An ...professional-jokes: TECH SUPPORT…. Here ... TECH SUPPORT…. Here are some conversations that actually happened between help deskpeople and their customers. Customer: “You ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print adocument, but the computer won t boot pro... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-TECH-SUPPORT….-Here ...professional-jokes: The 4 engineers ... The 4 engineers Once there were four engineers traveling in a car. While they were traveling to their destination the car stalled on them. Then the first engineer who was a mechanical engineer said, “don t worry its prob... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-The-4-engineers ...professional-jokes: THE BABY PHOTOGRAPHER…. ... THE BABY PHOTOGRAPHER…. The Jones were unable to conceive children, and elected to use asurrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy fatherwas to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, “I m off. Them... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-BABY-PHOTOGRAPHER…. ...professional-jokes: THE BARBER…. A ... THE BARBER…. A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned thetrip to his barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to gothere? It s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You re crazy to goto Ro... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-BARBER….-A ...professional-jokes: THE BIG SALE…. ... THE BIG SALE…. It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale(and some advertising in the local paper) were the mainreason for the long line that formed in front of the storeby 8:30, the store s opening time.A small ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-BIG-SALE…. ...professional-jokes: THE CIRCUMCISION…. Little ... THE CIRCUMCISION…. Little Joey, at the back of the class, was squirmingin his chair, not paying any attention to what wasbeing taught. The teacher, Miss Wanda, approached himto find out what the problem was. Quite embarr... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-CIRCUMCISION….-Little ...professional-jokes: THE PROFESSIONAL TEST…. ... THE PROFESSIONAL TEST…. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, putin the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend todo simple things in an ov... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-PROFESSIONAL-TEST…. ...professional-jokes: THE SENILITY PRAYER…. ... THE SENILITY PRAYER…. God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesightto tell the difference.Now that I m ‘older (but refuse to grow up), her... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-SENILITY-PRAYER…. ...professional-jokes: The Signalman s ... The Signalman s Test! Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, “What would you do if you r... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-The-Signalman-s ...professional-jokes: THE SNIFFER DOG…. ... THE SNIFFER DOG…. A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another manwith a dog occupies the empty seats alongside.The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they workfor the airline... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-SNIFFER-DOG…. ...professional-jokes: THE TOP 11 ... THE TOP 11 ENTRIES IN BILL GATES S DIARY 11. Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. BroughtMelissa to complete the foursome.10. Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, buthe doesn t do wi... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-TOP-11 ...professional-jokes: THE TREE…. I ... THE TREE…. I hired a carpenter to help me restore an old farmhouse and afterhe had just finished a rough first day on the job…a flat tiremade him lose an hour of work…his electric saw quit….and nowhis ancient pickup truc... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-TREE….-I ...professional-jokes: THE WORKINGS OF ... THE WORKINGS OF GOVERNMENT…. One day a little girl asked her dad dad what is govternment?the dad looked at her and said well think of it this way imcongress because I make the rules. Your mom she s the jusdicalshe inforc... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-THE-WORKINGS-OF ...professional-jokes: Things You d ... Things You d Love to Say at Work Things You d Love to Say at Work!1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be………..?2. Do I look like a people person?3. This isn t an office. It s Hell with fluorescent lighting!4. I ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-Things-You-d ...adult-jokes: This beautiful woman ... This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/adult-jokes-This-beautiful-woman ...dirty-jokes: This beautiful woman ... This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/dirty-jokes-This-beautiful-woman ...adult-jokes: This fellow comes ... This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he wanted it for. He answered, "I want to kill my wife." "I m sorry Sir," the pharmacist... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/adult-jokes-This-fellow-comes ...dirty-jokes: This fellow comes ... This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he wanted it for. He answered, "I want to kill my wife." "I m sorry Sir," the pharmacist... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/dirty-jokes-This-fellow-comes ...professional-jokes: TICKETS…. Three engineers ... TICKETS…. Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to aconference. At the station, the three accountants each bought ticketsand watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.“How are three pe... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-TICKETS….-Three-engineers ...professional-jokes: TOMATOES…. An unemployed ... TOMATOES…. An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as ajanitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitudetest (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, themanager says, “You ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-TOMATOES….-An-unemployed ...professional-jokes: TOP 10 A.K.A. ... TOP 10 A.K.A. S FOR HIGH-TECH OUTLAWS…. 1. Son of SIMM: His random acts of murder (RAM) are some of themost shocking in recent memory. Hates his motherboard.2. Billy the CAD: Fastest drawing program in the West.3. Pretty... - Tags:
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