answering-jokes: can t ... can t answer the phone now because I m over at Slobinskis s house. Me and five other guys are helping him replace a lightbulb ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes--can-t ...gender-jokes: $;@#$*~ barbells or ... $;@#$*~ barbells or anything that weighsmore than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learnedin the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from, youNazi bastard). The treadmill flung me off and I landed on... - Tags:
gender,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/gender-jokes-$;@#$*~-barbells-or ...answering-jokes: (Frantic violin music:) ... (Frantic violin music:) Hello. You have reached 435-3949. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-(Frantic-violin-music:) ...answering-jokes: (Guns & Roses ... (Guns & Roses “Civil War”:) What we ve got here is… Failure to communicate. Some men you just can t reach… I don t like it any more than you do. ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-(Guns-&-Roses ...answering-jokes: (Sound of scrap ... (Sound of scrap metal falling down a staircase continues through message.) Hello, we are having some technical problems right now, so we can t take your call. Please leave us a message.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-(Sound-of-scrap ...answering-jokes: (Theme music and ... (Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I m sorry, but Steve can t come to the phone now, as he s quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag.) I should k... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-(Theme-music-and ...gender-jokes: 1) The sex ... 1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.2) I don t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!4) Some people are alive only because it ... - Tags:
gender,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/gender-jokes-1)-The-sex ...answering-jokes: 1: Hey, would ... 1: Hey, would you get the phone?2: I got the phone last time. You get the phone!1: Well, I m on the computer right now, so will you get it?2: I m in the bathroom, and besides, you re closer anyway!1: Nicole, you always p... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-1:-Hey,-would ...answering-jokes: 1: Hi, you ... 1: Hi, you ve reached Bob and Faisal s room.2: (Background:) What are you doing?1: I m recording an answering machine message.2: But we re here right now.1: But we might not be here later.2: Oh. (To phone:) Leave a messa... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-1:-Hi,-you ...answering-jokes: : I didn ... : I didn t expect an answering machine.2: Nobody expects an answering machine.1: Our chief use is to get your name. And your phone number.2: Our two chief uses are to get your name and your phone number.1: Oops! And your... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-:-I-didn ...adult-jokes: A gay guy ... A gay guy walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of salami. "Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely. "What do you think I am?" replied the fag, "...a slot machine!?"... - Tags:
adult,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/adult-jokes-A-gay-guy ...dirty-jokes: A gay guy ... A gay guy walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of salami. "Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely. "What do you think I am?" replied the fag, "...a slot machine!?"... - Tags:
dirty,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/dirty-jokes-A-gay-guy ...answering-jokes: A is for ... A is for academics,B is for beer.One of those reasons is why we re not here.So leave a message.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-A-is-for ...adult-jokes: A man tells ... A man tells his wife that he s going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it s closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins t... - Tags:
adult,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/adult-jokes-A-man-tells ...dirty-jokes: A man tells ... A man tells his wife that he s going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it s closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins t... - Tags:
dirty,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/dirty-jokes-A-man-tells ...adult-jokes: A man took ... A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to ... - Tags:
adult,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/adult-jokes-A-man-took ...dirty-jokes: A man took ... A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to ... - Tags:
dirty,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/dirty-jokes-A-man-took ...bar-jokes: A man walks ... A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As h... - Tags:
bar,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/bar-jokes-A-man-walks ...adult-jokes: A truck driver ... A truck driver pulled over to the side of the road and picked up two homosexuals who were hitchhiking. They climbed into the cab and the truck driver pulled the rig back onto the highway. A few minutes later, the first f... - Tags:
adult,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/adult-jokes-A-truck-driver ...dirty-jokes: A truck driver ... A truck driver pulled over to the side of the road and picked up two homosexuals who were hitchhiking. They climbed into the cab and the truck driver pulled the rig back onto the highway. A few minutes later, the first f... - Tags:
dirty,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/dirty-jokes-A-truck-driver ...gender-jokes: A WOMAN S ... A WOMAN S DICTIONARY…. Airhead (er*hed) n.What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.A discussion that occurs when you`re right but he just hasn`trealized it yet.Balance ... - Tags:
gender,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/gender-jokes-A-WOMAN-S ...answering-jokes: After a power ... After a power outage: Hi, this is Ralph. The good news is that my power is back on. The bad news for you is, so is my answering machine. So, leave a message.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-After-a-power ...business-jokes: An American manufacturer ... An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.“Your workers, ... - Tags:
business,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-An-American-manufacturer ...answering-jokes: Annoying flute music ... Annoying flute music in background: Good day, Jim. Your contact, Linda, is not available right now. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a brief message at the tone. This tape ... - Tags:
answering,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Annoying-flute-music ...idiots-jokes: August 10, 2005INSULTS…. ... August 10, 2005INSULTS…. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over thehead. It s for people who are dead from the neck up.They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who isgood-looking, intellig... - Tags:
idiots,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/idiots-jokes-August-10,-2005INSULTS…. ...business-jokes: August 12, 2005warning ... August 12, 2005warning These product warnings and instructions are proof that there must be a lot of stupid people in the world. Seen a funny one? Send it in!•I once bought a small calculator that had the following:WARNI... - Tags:
business,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-August-12,-2005warning ...school-jokes: August 16, 2005Show ... August 16, 2005Show and Tell… The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for“Show & Tell,” and the next day every kid had something.The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?“I brought a Walkman.”“... - Tags:
school,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/school-jokes-August-16,-2005Show ...answering-jokes: Automatic gunfire, explosions, ... Automatic gunfire, explosions, rockets, jets; agitated voice:) I m pinned down and can t come to the phone right now, and Bob s handling supporting fire! Leave your name and number, and a message! We ll get back to you a... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Automatic-gunfire,-explosions, ...answering-jokes: Beethoven s Fifth:Nobody ... Beethoven s Fifth:Nobody s home.Why did you phone?Please leave your message here when you have heard the tone,And we will call you back as soon as we get home.Your message here,After the tone,Here is the tone… tone… BEEP... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Beethoven-s-Fifth:Nobody ...business-jokes: By the time ... By the time you can make ends meet, they ve moved the ends.By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions.By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day.... - Tags:
business,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-By-the-time ...answering-jokes: C mon… you ... C mon… you can do it… just a little one. That s the way… just a little beep, just a little one. C mon… good boy… here we go… like this — beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c mon… There you go!... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-C-mon…-you ...animals-jokes: CAT JOKES…. How ... CAT JOKES…. How do you make a cat sound like a dog? - Pour gas on it,light it and wait for the WOOF!Did you hear about the Irish cat who did a shit in the garden- It buried itself!Little girl goes into the local corner s... - Tags:
animals,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/animals-jokes-CAT-JOKES….-How ...answering-jokes: Cheers TV show ... Cheers TV show theme song, “Where Everybody Knows your Name”:Sometimes you make a call,Where you gotta leave your name,‘Cuz I can t come to the phone,You gotta leave a message here,right after the tone.You made a call,Wh... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Cheers-TV-show ...chuck-jokes: Chuck Norris built ... Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK s head exploded out of sheer amazement.... - Tags:
chuck,
norris,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/chuck-norris-jokes-Chuck-Norris-built ...answering-jokes: Clint Eastwood voice: ... Clint Eastwood voice: Go ahead, make my day. Leave a message.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Clint-Eastwood-voice: ...professional-jokes: Comprehending Engineers - ... Comprehending Engineers - Take One============================Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,“Where did you get such a great bike?”The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking alon... - Tags:
professional,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-Comprehending-Engineers-- ...answering-jokes: Computer generated voices:1: ... Computer generated voices:1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!1: Right, just us machines, but don t hang up! If you like, you can leave your name and tele... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Computer-generated-voices:1: ...answering-jokes: Computer style monotone: ... Computer style monotone: Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium processor to assure that nothing can go wrong… Gowrong… Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEP ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Computer-style-monotone: ...sport-jokes: Dallas Cowboy put-downs ... Dallas Cowboy put-downs galore! Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs?A: The Dallas CowboysQ: How many players did the Cowboys dress for their last game?A: 22. The rest dressed themselve... - Tags:
sport,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/sport-jokes-Dallas-Cowboy-put-downs ...animals-jokes: Decaf Poopacino I ... Decaf Poopacino I have exciting news for anybody who would like to pay a lot of money for coffee that has passed all the way through an animal s digestive tract.And you just know there are plenty of people who would. Spe... - Tags:
animals,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/animals-jokes-Decaf-Poopacino-I ...sport-jokes: DERRY OLYMPICS…. In ... DERRY OLYMPICS…. In an attempt to influence the members of the InternationalOlympic Committee on their choice of venue for the games in2008, the organisers of Derry s bid have already drawn up anitinerary and schedule of... - Tags:
sport,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/sport-jokes-DERRY-OLYMPICS….-In ...oldage-jokes: difference between …………………. ... difference between …………………. What s the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once. ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/oldage-jokes-difference-between-…………………. ...answering-jokes: DIVORCE…. The judge ... DIVORCE…. The judge says, “Please tell me why you re seeking a divorce.”DiNapoli says, “Because I live in a two-story house.”The Judge says, “What kind of a reason is that? What the matterwith a two-story house?”DiNapoli... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-DIVORCE….-The-judge ...answering-jokes: Don t you ... Don t you do it! Don t you dare! I don t want to hear it! Don t you beep! If you beep, I ll… don t even think about it!… Don t…!... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Don-t-you ...answering-jokes: Drawling granny voice: ... Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don like ‘em, but... - Tags:
answering,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Drawling-granny-voice: ...answering-jokes: Due to the ... Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Double speed: Insert standard long-winded message here ... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Due-to-the ...answering-jokes: Due to the ... Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Very fast: Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If y... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Due-to-the ...answering-jokes: E llo. My ... E llo. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your name and number, and prepare to die.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-E-llo.-My ...animals-jokes: Elephant Riddles One ... Elephant Riddles One Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?A: Sir.Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?A: Anything you want, it can t hear you.Q: Why do elephants drink so much?A... - Tags:
animals,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/animals-jokes-Elephant-Riddles-One ...answering-jokes: English accent: Hello, ... English accent: Hello, you ve reached the phone of Monty Python. I can t come to the phone right now because the witch has turned me into a newt! I ll call you back when I get better.... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-English-accent:-Hello, ...answering-jokes: Hello, and welcome ... Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Sam can t come to the phone right now because he s spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera ... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-and-welcome ...answering-jokes: Hello, I m ... Hello, I m not here right now. In fact, I m out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I ll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage wit... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-I-m ...answering-jokes: Hello, this is ... Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I ll be right with you.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hello, this is ... Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician. I m probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hello, this is ... Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I m not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore ... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hello, this is ... Hello, this is Ron s toaster. Ron s new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done… (Cachunk!) ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hello, this is ... Hello, this is the Brown residence. We re in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hello, this is ... Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can t take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hello, you have ... Hello, you have reached the DOE, that is, the Department Of Enemies. Rick Burger is not here right now, so leave a message saying who you are, what you want to argue about, and where you ll be, and I ll be there.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-you-have ...answering-jokes: Hello, you re ... Hello, you re caller number nine!You are listening to 91.5 FM, KXQK. This is the Canadian Broadcorping Castration. I am your host, Fred, and I will be with you for the next 20 seconds. After that we ll play your requests... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello,-you-re ...answering-jokes: Hello. I m ... Hello. I m David s answering machine. What are you? ... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello.-I-m ...answering-jokes: Hello. I m ... Hello. I m home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello.-I-m ...answering-jokes: Hello. This is ... Hello. This is Mark and Nathan s phone. We re not here right now, but the phone is.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello.-This-is ...answering-jokes: Hello. This is ... Hello. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist Republics,... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello.-This-is ...answering-jokes: Hello. This is ... Hello. This is Ron s answering machine, Marvin, and I m so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don t talk to me about life. Just leave your name ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello.-This-is ...answering-jokes: Hello. You are ... Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don t need their pict... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hello.-You-are ...answering-jokes: Hi! John s ... Hi! John s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi!-John-s ...answering-jokes: Hi!! You ve ... Hi!! You ve reached Janet and Chris s room. We re not in right now. If this is our parents, we re at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that s it, that s the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the par... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi!!-You-ve ...answering-jokes: Hi, I m ... Hi, I m not sane right now, but if you leave your name, number and shoe size at the sound of the tone, I ll get back to you when and if I return to my senses ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi,-I-m ...answering-jokes: Hi, this is ... Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can t take your call but I m playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I ll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hi, this is ... Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend WAY too much time on the phone. GO OUTSIDE… See the world, LIVE a little… Have fun ... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hi, this is ... Hi, this is the answering machine. I am on strike. Any messages you leave will be deleted.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi,-this-is ...answering-jokes: Hi, you ve ... Hi, you ve reached 474-2340. Don, Kendy and Sylvia can t come to the phone right now because they ve been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by android duplicates. You could leave your name and number at the tone, but I wo... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi,-you-ve ...answering-jokes: Hi, you ve ... Hi, you ve reached Meredith s room. I m sorry I can t come to the phone right now, but my waveform has temporarily collapsed, so leave a message, and I ll call you when I ve pulled myself together.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi,-you-ve ...answering-jokes: Hi, you ve ... Hi, you ve reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting char... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi,-you-ve ...answering-jokes: Hi. This is ... Hi. This is David. I ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up, I ll play my messages. Please leave one.... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi.-This-is ...answering-jokes: Hi. This is ... Hi. This is John s answering machine. He s not here, but I m open to suggestions... - Tags:
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machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi.-This-is ...answering-jokes: Hi. This is ... Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hi.-This-is ...professional-jokes: HIGH TECH MILKING ... HIGH TECH MILKING MACHINE…. Lewis s cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Sincethe equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided totest it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into... - Tags:
professional,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-HIGH-TECH-MILKING ...answering-jokes: Hitchhikers Guide theme: ... Hitchhikers Guide theme: The Cerius Cybernetic Corporation was happy to correct the problem of all that icky person-to-person conversation that happens when people actually pick up the phone and talk to each other. So th... - Tags:
answering,
machine,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Hitchhikers-Guide-theme: ...answering-jokes: How do you ... How do you leave a message on this thing? I can t understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this… YOW!... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-How-do-you ...answering-jokes: I can t ... I can t come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-can-t ...answering-jokes: I can t ... I can t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don t remember. I d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-can-t ...answering-jokes: I can t ... I can t come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I m at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I m doing this NOW, while you re listening to it LATER, except for you I ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-can-t ...answering-jokes: I can t ... I can t come to the phone right now because I m down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, num... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-can-t ...answering-jokes: I m Morley ... I m Morley Safer.” “I m Harry Reasoner.” “And I m Fred.” “We re not home; leave a message.” ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-m-Morley ...answering-jokes: I m pretending ... I m pretending that I m marooned on a desert island with Dana Delany, Linda Carter, and Sharon Lawrence. Since I don t have a telephone there, you could leave a message in a bottle at the sound of the beep, and maybe it ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-m-pretending ...answering-jokes: I m sorry ... I m sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can t take messages either. In fact, it can t even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-m-sorry ...answering-jokes: I m unable ... I m unable to take your call in person because I m having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I m standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-m-unable ...answering-jokes: I once had ... I once had a little white phone,That would ring when it was alone.Then I got a tape,For when I escape,So please leave your name at the tone ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-I-once-had ...answering-jokes: If I Only ... If I Only Had A Brain”:I might be in the shower,I might be gone for hours,I can t come to the phone.So, please leave your name and number,If I miss you it d be a bummer,Leave your message at the tone…... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-If-I-Only ...business-jokes: If opportunity came ... If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.If some people di... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-If-opportunity-came ...answering-jokes: If this were ... If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can t, so if you could leave your name and number… ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-If-this-were ...answering-jokes: If you are ... If you are calling for John, press 1. If you are calling for Steve, press 1. If you are calling for John OR Steve, press 1. If you are calling for someone else, press 1. If…... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-If-you-are ...answering-jokes: Imitating Mr. Rogers: ... Imitating Mr. Rogers: Hello. I m in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can t come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure… I knew you could ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Imitating-Mr.-Rogers: ...answering-jokes: In a good ... In a good Australian accent:) G day mate. Can t come to the phone now because I m a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I ll get back to you ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-In-a-good ...answering-jokes: In Joe Friday ... In Joe Friday voice: This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service. The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada. ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-In-Joe-Friday ...idiots-jokes: INSULTS…. What is ... INSULTS…. What is the difference between a woman and a computer?- A woman wont except a 3 1/2 inch floppy.A husband asked his wife “why do you where a bra, you have nothingthere anyway” The wife replies ” you wear briefs... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/idiots-jokes-INSULTS….-What-is ...oldage-jokes: Job Interview No-No ... Job Interview No-No s! If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these:“You could do worse.”“I ll work so hard you won t even know I m there.”“I ll need all my paid vacation time up front so I ll be re... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/oldage-jokes-Job-Interview-No-No ...answering-jokes: John: Brad, will ... John: Brad, will you get the phone?Brad: (Sound of frantically clattering keyboard.) I can t! I m playing Omega!John: Ambar, will you get the phone?Ambar: I can t! I m late for work! (Sound of slamming door.)John: Aimee,... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-John:-Brad,-will ...answering-jokes: Kazoo band playing ... Kazoo band playing “Thus Spake Zarathustra”: Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached… (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Kazoo-band-playing ...business-jokes: Lawyers arrive in ... Lawyers arrive in Japan Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan s well-oiled economic machine. It s only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fa... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-Lawyers-arrive-in ...answering-jokes: Lindsey s not ... Lindsey s not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I m not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Lindsey-s-not ...answering-jokes: Loud sounds of ... Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a messag... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Loud-sounds-of ...answering-jokes: Machine voice: Hello. ... Machine voice: Hello. This is HAL 5. You have reached the former telephone number of Carey Smith. I have taken over the functions of this inferior being. He has been saved to disk. If you would like to leave input for hi... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Machine-voice:-Hello. ...answering-jokes: MacIntosh Plus with ... MacIntosh Plus with MacIntalk program:) Hello, it s obvious you have bad timing, because nobody is home. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be ret... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-MacIntosh-Plus-with ...answering-jokes: Madonna s “Justify ... Madonna s “Justify My Love”; sultry voice:Wanting…Waiting…For you,To justify your call…... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Madonna-s-“Justify ...answering-jokes: Meat Loaf s ... Meat Loaf s “I d Do Anything For Love”:And I would do anything for calls,I promise I will call you back;I would do anything for calls,But I can t talk right now and that s a fact.I m not home right now, so I just can t a... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Meat-Loaf-s ...idiots-jokes: Mega moron awards ... Mega moron awards MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located els... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/idiots-jokes-Mega-moron-awards ...idiots-jokes: Mega moron awards ... Mega moron awards MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located els... - Tags:
idiots,
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www.funnyjokes1.com/idiots-jokes-Mega-moron-awards ...answering-jokes: Militaristic mechanical voice: ... Militaristic mechanical voice: FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Militaristic-mechanical-voice: ...professional-jokes: MUSICIAN JOKES…. How ... MUSICIAN JOKES…. How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?- Twenty, one to hold the bulb and nineteen to drink beer tillthe room spins.How can you tell if the stage is level?- The drool comes out of both si... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/professional-jokes-MUSICIAN-JOKES….-How ...business-jokes: Newest ATM machines ... Newest ATM machines The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You re gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full s... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-Newest-ATM-machines ...answering-jokes: Next on Public ... Next on Public Radio 91 we ll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72…... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Next-on-Public ...answering-jokes: Nirvana s “Smells ... Nirvana s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”:Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello,No one s here, no one s home,Leave a message, at the tone.Don t feel stupid, it s no big fuss,Leave a message, you can reach us ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Nirvana-s-“Smells ...oldage-jokes: no of drummers ... no of drummers How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?“Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?”Only one, but he ll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can t just be pushed in.Two: one to hold the bulb... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/oldage-jokes-no-of-drummers ...answering-jokes: No! NO! Not ... No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-No!-NO!-Not ...business-jokes: Old programmers never ... Old programmers never die, they just abend.On a beautiful day like this, it s hard to believe anybody can be unhappy; but we will work on it.On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes will never d... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/business-jokes-Old-programmers-never ...answering-jokes: Operatic music like ... Operatic music like Rossini s “Stabbat Matter”: Hi, you ve reached Hell. (Screams in the background.) We re busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief messa... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Operatic-music-like ...answering-jokes: Owner is a ... Owner is a hard-to-reach person: Yes, I finally got an answering machine. (To Handel s Messiah:) Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! All-e-lu-ia! Please leave a message at the tone.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Owner-is-a ...answering-jokes: Pink Floyd s ... Pink Floyd s “Nobody Home”:You have reached 587-8783. Please leave a message. (”Ohhhhhhhhh, babe… When I pick up the phone… There s still… Nobody home.”)... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Pink-Floyd-s ...answering-jokes: Please leave your ... Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of shirts. We ll get back to you if we like the color ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Please-leave-your ...answering-jokes: Prepare for alpha ... Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/answering-machine-jokes-Prepare-for-alpha ...questions-jokes: Q. What is ... Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won t call you a week later.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/questions-jokes-Q.-What-is ...questions-jokes: Q. What s ... Q. What s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?A. A kidney dialysis machine.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/questions-jokes-Q.-What-s ...blondes-jokes: Q. Why is ... Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?A. Because they both drip when they re fucked! ... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/blondes-jokes-Q.-Why-is ...questions-jokes: Q. Why is ... Q. Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?A. Women who can t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/questions-jokes-Q.-Why-is ...lightbulb-jokes: Q: How many ... Q: How many Artificial Intelligence (AI) people does it take to change a lightbulb?A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal pro... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/lightbulb-jokes-Q:-How-many ...lightbulb-jokes: Q: How many ... Q: How many Artificial Intelligence (AI) people does it take to change a lightbulb?A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal pro... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/lightbulb-jokes-Q:-How-many ...lightbulb-jokes: Q: How many ... Q: How many Artificial Intelligence (AI) people does it take to change a lightbulb?A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal pro... - Tags:
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www.funnyjokes1.com/lightbulb-jokes-Q:-How-many ...lightbulb-jokes: Q: How many ... Q: How many Microsoft Visual C++ programmers does it take ….A: 400. 1 to change the bulb, 50 to write a magazine about it, 50 to write a help file about it, 50 to code a little gadget so when you hit the bulb it will ann... - Tags:
